Out Takes Part Two From Pretty Theft

Really fascinating stuff Adam cut from the play focusing on Allegra’s Mother (and the Waitress!) Read it below and then go get your tickets!

(ALLEGRA’S MOTHER in a spot on the other side of the stage.)

ALLEGRA’S MOTHER
Just like her father. Leaves me just like he does. Say they’ll be back but who really knows. Even under six feet, expect him to claw his way out into the sunlight. At night some times wake up in terror, no idea why of course. But expect him to be snoring beside me. Surprised when he isn’t. Don’t think I’ll ever stop being surprised he’s not there. She, well, she’s another story.

Haven’t been able to talk to her for years. Ever since she got her boobies she got a bug up her ass. I was never like that. I sang in the choir. Could you imagine just leaving like that night before the funeral. Had to sit there alone. Everyone asking where she was. As far as I know, she’s jumping off a bridge somewhere. Maybe drowned herself–Always wanted to be like her father.

Never understood me, even before she got a bug up her ass. And I never understood her. Before she could talk, it was easy to imagine her growing to be just like me. I knew then it wasn’t true but it was possible to believe. The body parts matched. Course she was clumsy and scared and never listened. Always doing what she was doing. Independent. Born that way I guess. Wonder if she’s still like that.

A second section Adam cut for Allegra’s Mom and Waitress…

(On one side of the stage WAITRESS sits at a table, a couple of empty glasses in front of her. WAITER approaches.)

WAITER
You want another drink? Or something else?

WAITRESS
I’m looking for something that’s not going to run.

(ALLEGRA’S MOTHER revealed in her chair.)

WAITER
Want some chicken wings?

WAITRESS
Something that won’t up and run.

ALLEGRA’S MOTHER
Always a runner just like her dad. A dancer too, she thought but in her core a runner. Not that he ever got up, not that he ever stole away but he was never there, was he? Who knows where he bloody was. Who was that man?

WAITRESS
Who was that man?

WAITER
I got mozzarella sticks, got baskets of fries, got oysters and hot dogs and pickles and sour kraut.

ALLEGRA’S MOTHER
He wasn’t at work in his mind. Wasn’t with another woman. He just wasn’t with me. Not for years. Once upon a time he was. Long before the idea of death by disease. Before Allegra and couches and separate showers.

WAITRESS
Sometimes gnawing in your mind there’s a knowing, an ignoring a willful disregard for facts and instincts. I know I know, don’t want to believe. Want him to be available but he isn’t, is he? Never was, maybe wanted to be. Like forcing yourself to eat pickles. I hate pickles.

WAITER
Want a drink? On the house.

ALLEGRA’S MOTHER
What do other—

WAITRESS
What do other people do?

ALLEGRA’S MOTHER
Do they open up or close down?

WAITRESS
Do they leave town?

ALLEGRA’S MOTHER
Go to England.

WAITRESS
Marry rich.

ALLEGRA’S MOTHER
Buy low sell high.

WAITER
Get high on the back porch.

WAITRESS
Take a dive off the back porch.

ALLEGRA’S MOTHER
Stare at the night off your back porch. Allegra, come back to me.

WAITRESS
I need to use your phone.

WAITER
Phone’s in the corner.

(WAITRESS goes to phone.)

WAITER
I’ll get you another drink.

ALLEGRA’S MOTHER
Where are you Allegra?

WAITRESS
(on phone)
Hello, Tom. I think I have an idea where you can find those girls.

(Blackout.)